You'll need to have attended the No Ego retreat, or at least have a good understanding of the Enneagram model for it to make sense. And I'd say that with reference to the suggestions it would be good to look at your core point, your dominant wing and your line of 'disintegration'... probably as a progression of inquiry over time... Good luck, and enjoy!
Instructions:
Pick your core Enneatype and refer to the questions related to that point. If you are unsure of your core point, read through the questions relating to the two points most pertinent to you and pick either the point that seems most healthily challenging to you, or the combination of 6 questions from those two points that seem most healthily challenging. The intention of the exercise is for you to stretch outside your normal comfort zone, and to note what happens as you do so.
For further benefit, after approaching the exercise in the way suggested above, move on to your dominant ‘wing’ and your point of ‘disintegration’ and try those exercises too.
Just neutrally note the results. Avoid self-judgements and self-criticisms, and give yourself credit for the stretches you do make… there is as much to be learned from what goes ‘wrong’ as from what goes ‘right’.
1. The Perfectionist
• Take some time to find the ‘perfection’ (ethical, moral, practical, artistic, etc.) in what you have previously perceived to be imperfect. Get specific. Describe what you notice as the difference between what you believe to be imperfect and things just the way they are.
• Practice the recognition that anger and judgement are both cover-ups for deeper fears. When they begin to arise, just stop, open, feel and ask, “What am I really afraid of in this moment?” Allow that emotion to be present and felt.
• Write down 5 things from each of 5 different eras of your life (infancy., childhood, teenage years, young adulthood, maturity, etc., so 25 things in total), which you did beautifully, elegantly, wonderfully. Give yourself real credit for what was good about these actions, good either for you or for others. Share these things appropriately with others.
• Write down at least 10 different sentences of unmitigated praise for yourself which have nothing to do with rules, ethics, morals, or idealised ‘perfection’. Open and feel your own praise sink in.
• Practice removing completely from your vocabulary the words, ‘must’, ‘should’ and ‘ought to’. Notice how long you last. No judgements… when the proscribed word arises, simply and neutrally note it, and start again.
• Make a note of the 5 traits you would normally be most critical of in yourself. Speak them out loud in private, followed by the words, “And for this I completely and absolutely forgive myself.” Repeat traits and forgiveness for some other people.
2. The Caretaker
• Practice neutrally expressing from your feared or supressed emotions, without blame or projection – especially the ones that make you look unattractive or unlovable. Notice how it feels as you speak from a simpler, plainer truth.
• Write down 5 routine tasks you currently do as an ‘act of love’ for others, and which you secretly dislike doing. Tell those people (either in consciousness at a campfire or, if appropriate for both you and them, directly by telephone or face to face) that you will no longer be able to do those things for them, and tell them why. If the tasks still need to be undertaken, get agreement on who will do them.
• Practice speaking the plain, simple truth when commenting or reflecting on others’ traits or qualities. Spot your own tendency to flatter or uplift, and stop it.
• Admit to yourself and others the truth of your own realistic wants, needs and desires. Speak clearly without attachment to the outcome, simply for the sake of admitting and sharing the truth.
• Take time each week to ‘lovingly care for’ yourself – treat yourself to a luxurious bath, take time out doing something you love to do, spoil yourself in some kinaesthetically pleasing way – and fully experience it.
• Take time out at least once each week where you stop, switch off the phones, sit still and just ‘be’. You could inquire, “Who would I be if I could not serve or help anyone?” Keep opening and dropping through any ensuing emotional levels until you experience a positive kinaesthetic expansiveness.
3. The Achiever
• Write a comprehensive list of the things that are already sufficient in your life. Be deeply truthful. Include material goods, financial wherewithal, the people you love and your relationships with them… List out all the good and great things in your life, the ways in which you are already ‘rich’. Notice how that really feels.
• Practice dismantling and discarding your comparative ‘ranking’ scale. Experience who and what you essentially are when nothing can be achieved, gained, accrued or ‘rated’ according to a value scale.
• Practice social conversations when placing your whole awareness on the other person, and without fact gathering, networking or selling them anything (including ideas), genuinely inquire about their interests, beliefs and feelings.
• Practice conversations with the implicit rule that you cannot talk about your job, your achievements or any important / connected / wealthy people you know, or have learned about. Simply be sociable and agenda free.
• Write down your top 5 core values in work / career. Ask of each one, “What does that give me? And if I had that, what would it ultimately give me?” Notice what is of deepest, truest value to you, and feel how that sits emotionally with you.
• Start each day with a 10 minute meditation in which you stop, relax, soften your body and imagine handing over responsibility and all planning of the upcoming day’s activities to Life itself.
4. The Individualist
• Notice where in your body you experience specific (familiar/regular?) emotions. Practice allowing each emotion to be felt naturally, without enhancement, diminishment or explanation. Tell the absolute, clinical truth of how that feels.
• Practice removing your ‘thin veil of mystery’ and allowing others to see the real you, however that shows up. Notice how that feels, and then refer back to the first bullet point.
• Write down a long list of things you are grateful for, blessed by in life. Pay particular attention to the ‘ordinary’ ways in which you are supported and blessed by the universe.
• Pick one of your talents or abilities and spend time progressively developing it. Stay unattached to any desired outcome or story associated with the talent, and just develop it for the pure joy of getting better at it.
• Take time to open with the question, “What if my personal story of hardship and/or brokenness were not true… or at least is no longer true?” How would that really feel if you admitted it to be the case?
• Write down 20 ways in which you are just an average person – no better and no worse than the norm. Stay neutral and unattached in the writing. When complete stay emotionally open and authentically explore how that really feels. If necessary, open fully into the absolute core of any strong emotion that arises.
5. The Expert
• Practice identifying and staying physically connected with your emotions by placing your attention inside the body, accurately describing what you sense and letting emotionally descriptive or emotionally laden words arise. Give your mind the job of paying attention to what is happening inside your body.
• Practice exposure by taking down and keeping down your ‘walls’ – mental and physical. Tell the truth of your experience of what lies outside all barriers. If emotions arise, open into the absolute core of them… tell the clinical truth of how they feel in the body.
• Move your work/research/computing station to a more public place and encourage/respond positively, enthusiastically to social conversations (interruptions) while you work.
• In conversations, practice saying the words, “I don’t know”, and avoid planning or following up with research. Just allow yourself to ‘don’t know’ and notice how that eventually feels.
• Practice approaching people you are familiar with (socially and at work) but whom you have not yet met, and introducing yourself, sharing something personal about yourself.
• Take a good look around your workplace and your home, and get rid of all the things you really don’t need – ‘might need one rainy day’ doesn’t count as a genuine need!
6. The Team Player
• Practice openly and clearly responding “Yes” in the first instance to appropriate/healthy requests that you do something outside the norm, go somewhere new or experience something you have not previously experienced. Notice how that eventually feels.
• Practice inner listening – to your body, not your mind – and experiment by following your body’s guidance or instincts when appraising or decision making.
• Make a practice of openly and neutrally discussing your fears and concerns, without seeking a fixing formula or antidote.
• Practice staying energetically and emotionally open, available and engaged in your conversations. Use your body to reflect this engagement. Keep down all walls or barriers and connect deeply; fall into rapport with the other person.
• Write down a list of the important jobs/projects you have recently procrastinated over and left unfinished. Prioritise them, pick the top 3, then on your own, complete them to the best of your ability. Notice how that feels.
• Catch yourself at the ‘catastrophization’ game and use the ‘Red Cross Cancel’ reframing technique, by imagining yourself putting a red cross X through that piciture/thought and saying to yourself out loud or silently, “Cancel!”. Open and feel the results in your body.
7. The Generalist
• Spend a specific amount of time (say 20 minutes) each day meditating. Simply sit, relax, bring all focus to the moment and allow all awareness to turn inside… then allow the mind, and the body to melt or dissolve. Let go of any expectations of ‘results’, just stop and experience.
• Practice speaking neutrally about the reality of your life circumstances, avoiding all ‘silver lining’ or humorous reframes, without adding interpretations or meaning or judgements. Just speak the un-gilded truth.
• Practice holding yourself to a specific point or purpose in your conversations, and keeping to it succinctly, without distraction or deviation.
• Focus fully on the next important task you intend to address, and see it through to full completion before moving on to any other task, job or activity.
• Bring 100% of your attention to the present moment, using all 5 senses to identify and define the experience inside your body.
• Practice admitting your real fears clearly and cleanly to yourself and others. Start by using the phrase, “I am afraid of…” or “I am afraid that…” Notice how it feels to tell this truth.
8. The Challenger
• Practice work and social conversations that include the phrases, “I made a mistake,” and, “Please will you help me?”
• Pick at least 5 people you have hurt or treated badly and offer them an uncomplicated apology for your specific behaviour. (You can do this face to face or by telephone.) No excuses, no holding back, just a simple, “I’m sorry for…,” or, “I’m sorry that…”
• Practice removing all victim and blame responses from your vocabulary. When the impulse to react arises, just stop, open emotionally and ask, “What am I truly feeling at the deepest level in this moment?” Speak from a deeper, cleaner truth.
• Genuinely inquire what it would feel like if you let go of your responsibility taking for (controlling of?) everyone around you. Put it into practice, and notice the results. If strong emotions arise, stop and open fully into the heart of them until they transmute.
• Practice sensory acuity before acting or speaking, at work and socially. When encountering a situation or hearing an opinion, simply stop for 5 to 10 seconds and in that time, listen fully, open emotionally, sense with your body, get a deeper sense of what is taking place… then, and only then respond as appropriate to real the needs of the moment.
• Practice softening your body, taking off your ‘body armour’ and telling the truth of your own fears and vulnerability. Speak from a ‘deeper’, more authentic place than your previous ‘tough gal’ or ‘tough guy’ stance.
9. The Chameleon
• Practice, when it naturally arises, internally feeling the emotion of anger. Admit the truth of all of your own emotions to yourself. Then practice expressing yourself truthfully and clearly, without acting out or projecting from any emotional state. Take gentle/small steps at first if needed.
• Practice speaking clearly, succinctly and truthfully about your own opinions, positions and circumstances, without ‘shading’ your language or pulling back on your stance in order to people-please or smooth over conflicts.
• Make a list of your goals and desires in life and career without any reference to anyone’s preferences or needs other than your own. Inquire, “What if I could no longer glean other people’s preferences? Then what would I really want for myself, and how would that really feel?”
• Make a full list of your best qualities and deepest beliefs, the ones that clearly reflect who you are, what you stand for, and why you are here.
• Practice holding a clearly minority practical or ethical stance in the face of disagreement or potential conflict. Be quietly unmoving in your position, and do not seek compromise, just for the sake of experiencing how that really feels.
• Write down a list of some of the practical things that concern, worry or disempower you at work. Practice sharing these concerns with others – from a neutral, open place. Ask for support or help. Notice how this all feels.
