Visionary Leadership

I’ve now been offering the Visionary Leadership Programme around the world for three years, and have become passionate about sharing it because the results have been so extraordinary. The seminars' participants have been delighted that the work has reached them so freshly, has been so innovative and effective that they have transformed their lives massively – in very practical and measurable ways – and no matter how much previous Journeywork (or other transformational work) they had done.

The Visionary Leadership Programme is entirely different in focus and approach from The Journey’s Practitioner Programme, and it produces very different results. A couple of weeks ago on of our Australian Journey Practitioners emailed to ask me why someone should participate in it. I thought my reply might be of interest to you, so here it is in slightly edited form…

“Here's the thing with VL... I had done loads of Journeywork  over the previous 13 years (and prior to that a huge amount of other personal growth work), and had seen amazing transformation over that time... and yet I found I had plateaued in my growth, was getting similar results with my process work, and was infrequently experiencing dramatic shifts except for time-to-time revelations of something I had not yet encountered. And when I asked myself the question, "After all this time, are you honestly living as a full expression of Truth? Are you living in your fullest potential? Are you really living 'on fire', totally surrendered? Is Life using every bit of you?" The answer was a resounding "No!"

I recognised that I was still playing games: still hiding out and playing small, and still self-justifying and excuse-making. I was still deeply afraid of making mistakes and failing. I still played games of victim, blame and defence. I still clung to masses of old conditioning as emotional cover-ups... beliefs, vows, rules and values that were unhealthy and sabotaged me. I still compulsively used control strategies to avoid my fears. I still collapsed in the face of adversity, and I still sought the approval of others to the detriment of purposeful right action... there are so many examples of the ways in which I was still 'hooked'.

So the VL work was born out of a strong prayer to clear out the specific blocks that kept me small, less than fully potentialised, still living with the conditioning that I had long identified as unhealthy and counter-productive.  And the result - for me and for hundreds around the world who have participated in the programme - is that I am unrecognisable from the man I was three years ago... I feel as if the old patterns have lost their grip on me, like I am living truly on purpose, totally fulfilled, and that I am being used by Life in ways that I could not have even dreamed possible that short time ago. I feel like Life is using so much more of me than I ever dared hope was available.

This is work not only for people who want to become business, organisational or political leaders. It is for everyone. We ALL lead, simply because we influence those around us... our loved ones, our friends and our social contacts, our colleagues, our bosses, our sports partners, etc., etc. We influence many people, whether we admit it or not... and much of this influence is in play before we even open our mouths, because our presence is already speaking volumes.

·        The first question is, "Are you living as an expression of authentic greatness, as a FULL expression of the genius inside?"

·         The second question is, "Do you have the desire to be a better influence on those around you, on your loved ones, your community, on society, on your country, on the world?"

That's what the Visionary Leadership Programme is all about.

The VL programme recognises that our existing models of leadership – both personal and institutional – are flawed, fear based, ego-driven, broken, and it offers an alternative... an invitation to authentic positive influence, born from self-inquiry, honesty and a depth of clarity. It's an alternative based in true freedom.

If anyone recognises the imperative of this authentic alternative, or truly longs to Be the change the world needs, or wants to be fully expressed, fully potentialised, or if they simply want to become a genuinely better person (as I often have)... then they should do all they can to come to Visionary Leadership.”

Intro to Book: Consciousness The New Currency

If humanity is to survive, it will be due to a global shift in consciousness. This book is a celebration of and a manual for that shift.

We are living in a time of turmoil, when humanity is gripped by fear-consciousness, and is paralyzed into non-action and denial, when the foundations of our lives are on dangerously shaky ground.

We are being rocked by some of the biggest wake up calls in history. Our planet is in a state of crisis on many levels: climate change, ecological and environmental degradation, mass species extinctions, bitter wars, protracted interracial and religious strife, endemic poverty, starvation and disease, political and corporate greed and corruption and financial collapse.

Our media’s constant focus on the drama of negativity fuels fear-consciousness and keeps all of us in a perpetual state of heightened anxiety. With every new crisis, every threat to our personal circumstances, every new world disaster, a part of us cowers in fear. Instinctively we react by shutting down in a futile attempt to keep the sense of impending disaster at bay. We put a lid over ourselves. Our world becomes smaller, and less of our innate greatness is available and as a result we disempower ourselves.  We can no longer access the inherent creative genius and inspired action that, in openness and health, is available to us all.

Yet despite our unhealthy conditioned responses to the fundamental uncertainty of our lives, a truer aspect of ourselves knows there is a different way forward, a healthier existence, a greater possibility. Somewhere inside us is a deep knowing that living freely, fully, wholesomely and abundantly is a destiny we all deserve. This destiny is calling us. It is a quiet and compelling pull that is drawing us into a fresh, new expansiveness, and it cannot be ignored.

That fact that you chose this book and are reading these words is a sign, a confirmation that you are responding to this call. Some deep level of your being recognizes this. You may already be aware of it. Something is pulling you to investigate, to explore, to open and experience this greater possibility.

Your essence is an expansive potential that is completely free and already whole where all is possible. It is beckoning you to open beyond the fears of your current circumstances and conditioning; it is inviting you to break free from the negative paradigms of our times. It is insisting that you shed the shackles of fear-consciousness that diminish and immobilize you. It is calling you into an infinite field of all possibilities where access to inspired answers and creative solutions are effortlessly available – even when life seems to insist that such answers and solutions don’t exist.

This infinite field longs to embrace you, to use you as a vehicle for a new type of abundance, one born directly from open, truthful awareness, one that effortlessly embraces all of life; an abundance that experiences all of life, each individual aspect and component, as an integral part of itself; an abundance that is a guardian of the health and wellbeing of all its parts, and acts for the greater good of the whole. An abundance that forgives, shares, heals and is a reflection of our deepest desires to live in a fully expressed love, and to be a contribution to the planet rather than a drain on its resources.

Old school, market-driven materialism, with its me-first myopia and its wanton excesses, is already archaic. As a system it is broken and defunct, and has failed colossally. Its compulsive consumption, its obsessive competitiveness and defensiveness, its addicted stockpiling of increasingly expensive possessions, its selfishly unconscious denial of the destruction it caused were all driven by fear. In fact, the whole model has been driven by fear – fear of lack, fear of failure, fear of loss of security. Even at its height, when it produced stupendous financial surpluses for the few, it was never an example of conscious abundance. It was a recipe for separation, suffering and the degradation of life. Conspicuous consumption has been the cause of a great rift in humanity. It is no longer hip nor cool, no longer the zeitgeist. It is no longer a realistic option. In fact, if humanity is to survive it is no longer possible. As an ideal it is dead.

Instead we are being invited to uncover and embrace a new model of abundance, one that is consciously aligned with the greater good, one that is inclusive – one where there is deep gratitude, generosity and a cherishing of the blessing of life. We must move forward into a new era of abundance-consciousness; one that is accepting and encouraging, one that is deeply fulfilling and embraces all of life.

Our planet, our home, is demanding a greater largeness of being. It is demanding an entire shift in our awareness, in the way we think, in the way we act, in the way we are. Ultimately it is demanding a fundamental shift in consciousness itself. It will be seen in the ways we do business, in our intelligent use of planetary resources, in our understanding of the interdependence of all living systems, in our tolerance for differences, and in our generosity of heart. These will be the natural expressions of a more fundamental change in the way we know ourselves.

Consciousness is the new currency.

Consciousness is a powerful, compelling force for change. In every age there have been inspired individuals who went against the tide of conventional restrictive norms and beliefs, people who single-pointedly stayed true, even in the face of extreme hardship, persecution or calamity. With such beings, the powerful transmission of their consciousness, their simple yet potent ability to stay wide open and immersed in the infinite field of all possibilities in a vaster, more inclusive awareness was such a radical catalyst for transformation that in many cases it altered the course of human history.

In the last century we have been blessed with very powerful examples. Mahatma Gandhi was uncompromising in his certainty that the power of compassion and nonviolence would free his country. Through the force of that consciousness, he became the primary catalyst for India’s liberation from British rule. This consciousness not only brought about Indian independence but opened the doors to a change in world attitudes and politics that eventually brought political freedom to dozens of formerly colonized countries and is even today the inspiration for nonviolent movements worldwide. Gandhi was a living transmission of his own words, ‘Be the change you wish to see in the world’.

Nelson Mandela, a conscious embodiment of compassion and forgiveness, accomplished the seemingly impossible when he galvanized the nonviolent end to apartheid in South Africa and became the country’s first black president. During twenty-seven years of incarceration as a political prisoner he remained steadfast in truth, and ultimately the immense power of his conscious presence almost single-handedly liberated his people. Even today, in his early nineties, he continues to be an inspiration to people the world over as an example of the power that can occur through one person’s commitment to his ideals.

Martin Luther King, Jr. was a man with a dream. A dream so compelling, a vision so powerful that it continues to shape the way we think to this day. He was a conscious embodiment of his message of liberty. His dream of freedom and equality began a process that has eroded the roots of prejudice and intolerance in America. Its reverberation set in motion a shift in consciousness that eventually made possible the election of the first African-American president of the U.S.A., Barack Obama.

What all these great souls share in common is that their individual expression of consciousness shaped history and reshaped humanity. Though the general consensus was that their dreams were impossible, through the power of consciousness alone they made the impossible possible. It was not what they did, but who they were that made the difference. They were not just part of the solution, their consciousness was the solution. The power of consciousness itself accomplished miracles.

And, of course, we are not talking about the greatness, the consciousness of just these specific examples. All consciousness is already here. All the greatness that has ever been, is available in this moment.

Their greatness is your greatness – it is the same greatness. It resides in you. It is your true essence. Their consciousness is your consciousness – it is the same consciousness. It is who you are.
~
There is an urgent demand, in fact, a global imperative, for radical change, and it can no longer be ignored. Every honest person knows it: something has to change.

We are at a time in our evolution when the world is in such acute crisis that we can no longer simply rely on the conviction and strength of a few rare individuals. We can no longer passively rely on anyone else to make this shift for us – not a few elite geniuses, visionaries or saints, not our politicians, our religious leaders, nor our corporate magnates, and not future generations. Everything now relies on us. The time has come to access our potential greatness and to let this greatness use us to the fullest. The time has come to decide to be part of the wave of awakening and healing that our planet so desperately needs. For true change to happen, for real transformation to take place, we must decide that it will start with us, with you and with me. This is a demand for a change in consciousness that can only take place from the inside out. Because you are reading this book you already sense the call. Indeed, this book was written in answer to this call.

It is time to wake up. Not as another fanciful distraction or casual experiment but as an absolute imperative. If our world is to heal, if humanity is to survive, if as a species and as individuals we are to thrive, we must find a new way of living, a new way of interacting and cooperating – not as a rehash of old ideas, concepts or beliefs; not merely with more rules or different governances – but by stopping and opening, by letting go of and healing from our unhealthy past, and by opening into our pure potential and moving forward in a fresh, new consciousness.

It is time to stop. It is time to open beyond our excuses and our perceived limitations. It is time to be done with our fear-based values and doctrines. It is time to listen more acutely than ever before, time to tell a keener, deeper truth. It is time not just to break a paradigm, but to break with the paradigm of the known. It is time to freshly open into the expansiveness of the unknown and to discover its power to bring about miracles.

“As people see their predicament clearly – that our fates are inextricable tied together, that life is a mutually interdependent web of relations – then universal responsibility becomes the only sane choice for thinking people.” ~ Dalai Lama

Some books and strategies tell us to hold bigger visions and to get more ambitious in our goal setting. But what we are proposing is not simply about the power of positive thinking and repeating more positive affirmations. It is not about stirring up a more fiery personal conviction, nor drumming up a stronger personal will to overcome our circumstances. Nor is it about denying ourselves or becoming self-sacrificing martyrs, confirming some false sense of spiritual nobility. It is not about telling ourselves more stories about our fears. It is not about overriding or ignoring our fears; it is not about pushing them away, pretending they don’t exist, or transcending them. It is not about reframing them into something more manageable. These are ego-based strategies that have brought us to where we are right now. They are short-term expedients that ultimately don’t work. They have never really worked.

The demand is a greater one. It is a demand for us to get real. The true demand is that we stop for long enough to uncover, face and meet our own deepest fears and insecurities, and to free ourselves from their grip, so that they no longer unconsciously drive our destructive behaviors. It is a call to uncover the silent saboteurs that have limited our lives and to finish with them once and for all. It is an imperative to open beyond all limitations into our deepest potential, which is whole, free and bursting with creative inspiration and solutions. This is a call for true liberation and a call to take conscious action born from this freedom.

In our heart each one of us wants these things; in our souls we crave them. We feel a light beckoning from deep inside, bidding us to remove the lampshade, to liberate an inherent magnificence that until now has remained hidden. We long to thrive and flourish as individuals. We long to be a proactive force for change, to act in concert with a higher purpose, to feel that there has been some tangible and lasting benefit to life from our short stay on this planet. We long to make a real difference for ourselves, our loved ones, and our communities. We long to live life consciously, recognizing and utilizing all of our true potential. We yearn to be used by grace.

Yet no one told us how. No one gave us a manual.

This book was written to teach you how. You can use it as your manual. It will give you the means to access the innate genius inside you and will enable you to begin living from that greatness. It offers simple, effective tools and powerful processes to clear out the limitations, negative constructs and emotional blocks that have put a lid over your life and made you play small. It will give you ways to meet and clear out your old fears, so you can be a fuller, more vibrant and alive expression of your true self. This book will allow you to open into the infinite potential that is your soul and will give you the practical means to live an authentically guided life in freedom, fullness, and abundance.

This is an experiential book. The work is born from direct experience. It is not a theory or a formula but an expression of living truth that has had profound and lasting results for many thousands of people from all over the world.

With this book, you too will have the ability to open into inspired and creative solutions and catalyze healthy abundance in all areas of your life. If you use its work and live from the truth of your own potential, it will give you the results you have been seeking all your life. And as you live in the fullness of your own potential you will become a living transmission of possibility-consciousness. Your very presence will awaken those around you, and you will become a force for conscious, positive change. Your actions will be a mirror of that inspiration and they will catalyze others to also take conscious action. And, as with the rare souls who have gone before, the ripples of your awakened consciousness will continue to reverberate over time.

This is your chance to become a living expression that is and always has been your destiny.

(For more details and to order a copy of Consciousness The New Currency by Brandon Bays & Kevin Billett please visit our website www.thejourney.com, or go to www.amazon.com)

Freedom from Control Games

There has been a theme for me this year, it started back in January and has led to the deepest and most profound transformations in my life since the early years of Journeywork in the mid-90s. At the start of this year, while in India on our last In The Presence tour, I put out a fierce prayer that all remaining fixation here was stripped away. I prayed that the concept of ‘I’ of ‘me’ and ‘mine’  - the ego - be finished off completely.

Man, if I’d known what would ensue I don’t think I would have had the courage to put out that prayer! It’s been the most tumultuous roller coaster ride, often feeling like life was throwing the book at me.  I’ll spare you the dramas here and simply report that it has been truly and shockingly liberating.

Shortly afterwards, I started noticing the ways in which I was subtly and not-so-subtly still playing control games. I began paying closer attention and soon realized that my patterns were showing up regularly and pervasively. I recognized that the core of the pattern seemed to be a complete and ugly resistance to being controlled, and when I explored deeper memories from early life through to my teens started flooding – times when I had felt dominated and arbitrarily controlled by my parents – and I recollected my deep and strong fear of submitting or ‘giving in to’ control. It had seemed that if I surrendered to anyone’s control, if I let go in the face of it, that ‘I’ would cease to exist… my light would be snuffed out. And that possibility was terrifying.

I quickly began to realize that this fear of being controlled and had subsequently affected so much of my behaviour, that it was hard to look anywhere and not find some reaction to the fear. It had seemed as if my only choice was to resist and deny the control, to somehow fake the appearance of being ‘independent’ or ‘self determined’. And increasingly through the years my whole being became passive-resistant and passive-aggressive. It was as if a mini force-field emanated from my body, silently putting out a, ‘Back off and leave me alone, because I’m going to do things my way’ energy. As a person who loved human contact, intimacy and ‘merging’ it was a painful way to live, and must have been hugely stressful and frustrating to those who cared about me. And I began to see through the lie of the games, got it that they were pathetically ineffective at making me feel in control or safe.

This realization made me inquire a little more broadly. I wondered, “If being controlled snuffs your light out, threatens your existence, then what is the reality? Have you actually been controlled in any ways?” The answer stunned me!

When I admitted the truth, there was never a time that I had not felt completely and utterly controlled – by parents, grandparents, teachers, schedules, rules, demands, requests, emotions, needs, my own body… by life itself. Underneath my façade of independence, I had always felt hopelessly controlled – literally out of control. It had weighed me down, drained me of energy, flattened and depressed me.

The stark paradox stopped me in my tracks. My underlying belief had always been, “I will die if I submit to control”, but the real truth was that I had felt overwhelmingly controlled by every life circumstance I could remember, for as long as I could remember.

Within a couple of days I approached Joanne our PA (and a Journey Practitioner), sat her down and said, “Jo, I need help here. I’ve got something to face. I need a Journey process!” She got me to relax, open emotionally and verbally empty out all the ways in which I had felt controlled in life. I scanned back through the years, and the ways just poured out of me… from waking in the morning to last thing at night there seemed to be not a single time when I did not feel impotent to the control that was pervasively exerted over me. It was relentless, complete, total.  I then told the truth about how my resistance games had been futile, completely ineffective, and again I emptied out all the ways in which this was true. The emptying out – with its inevitable opening into the feeling of complete surrender to being controlled – racked me emotionally, shocked me to my core.

The Journey process that followed was simple, an effortless extension of the elicitation. But the result was extraordinary! The lie of fixation, the illusion of the egoic 'I' became totally clear: if avoiding control is absolutely necessary to sustain ‘me’ the ‘I’, and ‘I’ am helpless to avoid being totally controlled, then ‘I’ do not, cannot, exist. The answer to my prayer had come in the most unexpected of ways, and I felt completely free.

We all play control games, yet it can be really simple to free ourselves from the grip of control’s dramas and fears. We can simply choose to just stop, open and face the real truth. It’s not rocket science, it’s just sharp in the moment of truth telling.

When I went home, saw my wife, Brandon, and explained what had happened her eyes welled up. “I feel like I’ve got a new husband”, she told me. “I’ve always felt that you had some resistance to my love, like you were subtly pushing it away. And that energy is just not there any more. For the first time you feel really open to me”.

That was enough for me. To know that the love of my life felt that for years I had been pushing away her love made me absolutely determined to seek out any remnants of the old control games, and I’ve been keenly inquiring ever since.

  

Since getting real and facing the truth my life has opened and freed up in ways I could not have imagined. It has been fuller, richer, more vibrant, easier. It seems like there’s much less of ‘me’ and much more of Life being experienced. And for the first time in my life I feel neutral to control issues. It’s as if I’ve seen through the lie of the notion of control, and it has debunked both my strategies and my fears in that area. I see the control game playing that takes place around me in life, and remain unmoved, untouched by it. I might even be a nicer guy to live with these days, who knows?

I am currently teaching a simple version of the work in the Visionary Leadership Programme, and we have developed a more refined and thorough version of the elicitation and process I went through – it’s called ‘Impossible Binds’ – and we have re-designed our Advanced No Ego retreat to include this exciting new work.

Freedom from Old Vows and Promises

Freedom from Unhealthy Vows

There is one infrequently explored subject that insidiously compromises the life quality of millions of us: it causes stress, inner-conflict, emotional pain and shut-down; sometimes it leads to depression, self-sabotage or substance abuse; it can be the underlying cause of ill-health and even lead to premature death. The subject is that of unhealthy vows, especially ones that have subsequently been discounted or forgotten – forgotten by the conscious, thinking mind that is, because the body-mind does not forget and the promises we make live on in our cells, linger in consciousness, and therein lies the problem.

The Nature of Vows:

Vows and oaths can both be thought of as promises made in the presence of someone or something divine, normally a deity, the presence of God, the Universe, or Life. An oath is usually an emotionally charged statement of fact, while a vow is more of a deal struck with the divine. For simplicity I’m going to refer to both as vows, for the effect of each is similar: they install in our consciousness a powerful decision, a commitment – for better or worse – and that intention goes out to the Universe with the strength of a fiercely-prayed prayer.

Research, such as that cited by Lynne McTaggart in The Intention Experiment and by Rhonda Byrne in The Secret, has demonstrated that the likelihood of a desired outcome occurring increases hundreds-of-thousands-fold when we put out a strong, clear and prayer or intention, so it’s hardly surprising that our vows have such an impact on our quality of life. What is surprising is that so many of us are oblivious to the undermining effect of having old negative intentions still ‘hanging out there.’

The great news is that unhealthy vows are simple to uncover and easy to release. The positive effects of changing them are strong, freeing and immediate. But first, let me give you some examples of how the problems can originate.

Examples of the Damage:

When I was a small child I was frightened by the children’s stories that were common in those days. I don’t think I was particularly sensitive or emotionally-overwrought, but the traditional Anglo-Saxon kids’ stories common in the late 1950s and early 1960s terrified me: there were wolves who wanted to eat you for dinner, and would blow your house down to get you; there were skies that could fall in and kill you; there were witches who would entrap and poison you; and bogey men, trolls and monsters who would hunt and capture you – it was all overwhelmingly frightening. At around the age of three I became scared to go to bed each night, and began experiencing regular nightmares.

By the age of 6 I was exhausted by the fear and became desperate for it to stop. I remember standing alone in our garden, afraid at the thought of going to bed that night. Spontaneously, I closed my eyes and prayed: “God, please stop my nightmares ... If you do, I promise that from now on I will always be a good boy.” A vow had been made.

That night I went to bed with a little less trepidation, wondering what would happen. Would God keep His end of the deal? I slept deeply and peacefully and awoke refreshed and energised for the first time in months, excited that God had done his stuff and relieved that I’d found a way out of my fear. The nightmares stopped completely. Night after night I slept the sleep of the innocent – blissfully and restfully.

So, “Great,” you might say, “Where’s the harm in that? You made a promise to be a good boy and your nightmares stopped. Job done.” But there was harm, there was a price to pay, and it came in the form of guilt. I’d promised God that I would be good, and in my six-year-old mind that came with pictures of compliance, of niceness, of saintliness, so whenever my behaviour failed to match my own imagined images of perfection I’d be gripped by guilt. Within months I forgot completely about the vow I’d made, but its effects did not leave. At random moments – when play-fighting with other boys, if I got dirty or messy, if I was late for a meal or for school, in fact, if I did anything that I felt my parents or grandparents or teachers would disapprove of – I would freeze with a knot of guilt of guilt in my stomach, and have to stop the game or apologise and make nice. I had no understanding of what was happening to me. All I knew was that I felt ‘bad’, that what I had done was ‘wrong’ or not allowed, and that it hurt emotionally.

Wind the clock forwards a couple of years: I’m eight years old and I have a ten-month-old sister, Debra. My mother says to me, “Kev, would you like to take Debs in her pram to the park for an hour? I’m sure she’d love it, and it would give me the chance to clean up the house while you’re out.”

“Oh, yeah!” says I, proud to be trusted to take my baby sister out all on my own, excited to show her off to my friends, “Yes, please!”

And so we set off, Debs lying down in her little white crocheted coat, her head, with its lacy white bonnet, sticking out above the blanket that tucked her in to the pram – one of those old-fashioned things like a Victorian carriage on small hard-tyred wheels. As I pushed the buggy she beamed a huge three-toothed smile, and I felt like the luckiest eight-year-old in the world.

A couple of hundred yards up the road, I figured we should have some fun, so I started making silly faces at Debs as she lay in the pram. She giggled and smiled even wider – I loved it. Raising the ante a bit I decided to push the pram ahead, letting it go for a few moments so she couldn’t see me, then running to catch it up and making really stupid faces, funny noises, and waving my hands at her. She chuckled and belly-laughed repeatedly as I pushed her ahead and got sillier and sillier.

As we turned the corner to the park, I shoved the pram once more, but, “God, NO!” I’d forgotten there was a steep hill and the pram careened out of control. I ran for all I was worth, desperately trying to catch it up, but it was useless. The carriage, with my precious baby sister inside, speeded up beyond running speed, and I froze and watched as it hit a kerbstone, took off into the air and flipped upside-down into a large oak tree. Terrifying images flashed through my mind. “Dear God,” I implored, “Please let her be alive – PLEASE! If you do, I promise I’ll never do that again.”

I quickly came to, and ran the remaining distance to the oak tree. I leaned down and gently turned the pram over, petrified as to what I might see. When she saw my face, Debs beamed and laughed more than ever. Still safely strapped in, she was completely unscathed, unharmed, and chuckled like we’d played the best game ever. She loved it!

I quickly tucked back the blanket, checked no one had seen, and timidly proceeded to the park where we played quietly till our time was up. I never mentioned a word of what had happened to anyone.

Like the time with the nightmares, I soon forgot about the incident and the vow that had been made, but the vow did not forget me. In the instant of the, “Dear God, Please...” the promise had lodged in my cells, and the implications this time were more pervasive. In my panic I’d promised God that if my sister survived I would never do “that” again. I wasn’t precise as to what “that” meant, and I didn’t spend any time analysing it later, but it included a whole host of behaviours and emotions. It took me nearly 40 years to discover that what I’d done was shut down exuberance, silliness, and unabashed fun in my life. I’d shut out the possibility of full-on excitement, of goofing off, of being out of control with play, and had instead chosen responsibility, measured and mature reliability, and ‘sensible’ behaviour – at the age of eight.

I became more serious, more stolid, more controlled – less spontaneous, less excitable, less light-hearted. In short, I became far less fun. And that was just the beginning.

By my teenage years, when hormones and the impulse for adolescent rebellion were kicking in, it became more difficult to keep my emotions under wraps. There were cars, late nights, girls and sex – I didn’t want to be contained or suppressed, I didn’t want to be burdened with responsibility; I wanted to be expressed, to cut loose, to be outrageous – I wanted to party. But still sabotaging me, deeply buried at an unconscious level, were the old vows. Excitement, fun or exuberance could be around me, but I couldn’t feel it in my own body. On the rare occasions those fun emotions tried to arise, the vice-like grip would tense and freeze me, I’d pull back or opt out of the action – be it horseplay, dancing, intimacy, or whatever – I could never relax, let go and enjoy it.

The tension between the desires and the restrictions became enormous. The eventual escape route? Alcohol.

An Unhealthy Escape:

From the age of fourteen I began to drink, and throughout my teenage years alcohol became a regular habit. Sure, I thought it was adult, I thought it was cool, but when the adolescent posturing passed with the years, the behaviour didn’t change and my consumption of beer and wine increased. What I’d found, though it’s only in recent times that I’ve fully realized it, was a way to temporarily negate the hold of the forgotten vows – a way to let go, to have fun, to experience excitement that would otherwise be impossible.

In common with many people, what I also found was that the game was one of diminishing returns – that over time more and more alcohol was needed to produce the same results – and that I was not immune from the addictive effects of booze. By my twenties I was drinking regularly and heavily. By my thirties I awoke with a severe hangover almost every single day. My self-esteem plummeted as my weight soared. My career suffered, my relationships deteriorated, I got moody and depressed, and my health declined as I slid into an alcohol-fuelled fug. Though I continued to hold down a job and functioned fairly normally in a social sense, any medical doctor would have diagnosed me as an alcoholic. Although I eventually recognised that I had a severe problem, I was terrified at the prospect of giving up drink.

The full story of my condition and behaviour is ugly, and not appropriate to share here. What is interesting, however, is the effect of facing the emotional blocks and, more specifically, undoing old unhealthy vows and replacing them with healthy, supportive ones – for after decades of self-abusive and compulsive drinking, I found that my need for alcohol just fell away, it naturally subsided. Today, alcohol has no hold on me. I can take it or leave it. Mostly I leave it, because I don’t need its effects any more – I can get excited, have lid-off fun, get silly and playful, feel passionate and ecstatic without it. Sometimes, I enjoy drink a glass or two of wine with a meal, and very occasionally I’ll drink a beer, but that’s it: no hook, and I feel phenomenal!

Check it for Yourself:

So take some time to look back over your life. Pay specific attention to the times when you’ve had close scrapes, when you’ve felt threatened or hurt, when there’s been emotional trauma or upset, or some watershed moment or ‘big event’ in your life, and check out if you made any vows or important promises at those times. You’ll discover that some of them were obviously unhealthy from the time you made them, others may have seemed healthy at the time, but have become unsupportive or unhealthy as you’ve changed or as circumstances have changed over the years.

Vows come in many varieties and with different flavours. There are vows to always behave (or never to behave) in a specific way. There are vows of shut down and emotional closure, often relating to anger, shame and guilt, fear and hurt, embarrassment or humiliation. There are vows of responsibility taking or protection, which may become inappropriate as time passes. There are vows of fidelity and marriage that become outmoded with changing relationships or divorce. There are vows of allegiance to friends, groups, clubs and gangs. In recent times I have also become aware of ‘death vows’ – promises to die young, sometimes born from the pain of survival when someone close dies prematurely – which can have devastating long-term effects. I’m sure there are loads more, and the bottom line is this: if you have made any unhealthy vow or strong promise in the past, or if you have made a vow that has become unhealthy over time, you will be paying a price in some aspect of your life. Check it out for yourself, and notice the price you have paid for being bound in this way.

You can easily change your unhealthy old vows and replace them with something supportive and empowering. And if you can’t remember any vows you may have made, no worries, the process below will help with that, too. It requires no prior experience, will take only 25 minutes or so. Get a friend or partner to guide you through the process below and loosen up some old binds.

The Change Vow Process (abbreviated):

This freeing introspection is a simplified and abridged version of the full Change Vow Process taught in our Journey and JourneyMan workshops. It was originally developed by my life partner, mind-body healing teacher, Brandon Bays, and is used with her kind permission. For additional information and expert help please go to www.thejourney.com and check out The Journey Intensive, the JourmeyMan retreat, and the worldwide list of highly trained and experienced Journey Accredited Practitioners.

Instructions: Read the process through completely to yourself twice to familiarise yourself with it, then you can read it to a partner. Take your time. Sit and relax for a bit before you start, then read slowly. Whenever you see “...” pause briefly. When you ask a question give your partner sufficient time to answer. If you’re asking for something to be visualised or to take place, give time for that to happen. Finally, make sure the new vow is supportive and phrased entirely in positive words.

Sit comfortably … and as you allow your eyes to close … you may find yourself beginning to relax … Just take a nice deep breath in … and slowly let it out … and another long deep breath in … and slowly out … Just relax and open …

Now you may notice in your mind’s eye that in front of you is a downward facing staircase with five steps … And in the knowledge that these steps will guide you deeply into the depth of your own Being … into your essence … step onto the top step, number five … now step down onto step four … opening down to three … deeper down to two … and before you step onto the bottom step just let your awareness expand infinitely all round ... Then step into the core of your own deepest awareness … as you step down onto step one … and just rest as this awareness …

To one side of you is a doorway into the light of your own soul … and waiting here is a mentor … one in whose divinity and wisdom you can rest and trust … Just walk through the doorway, into the light … and greet your mentor … thanking him or her for being here to support you in changing an unsupportive old vow ...

Now, waiting to one side, is a time shuttle that will take you back in time and place to when a specific vow was made … a vow that was unhealthy ... or one that has become unsupportive to the person you are today … So you and your mentor can step right into the shuttle and take a seat … On the dashboard … is a button marked ‘old vow’ … when you press this button, the shuttle will take you safely back in time … back to the consciousness of that old vow … to the time and place when that vow was made ... So press the button now … and let the shuttle take you where it knows to go … just allow the shuttle to land now ... and you and your mentor can leave and walk back into the scene where the old vow was made ... just notice who else is here ... So who else is here? … Good …

Allow a campfire to appear … knowing that this fire is the fire of Life itself … And bring also to this campfire the presence of God, the Infinite or the Universe … Now ask the younger you in the scene or the mentor … What unhealthy vow was made here? … What vow was made that is no longer appropriate or supportive? … What were the words that were spoken internally? ... Just allow the old vow to reveal itself ... and speak those old words out ... (if necessary, repeat this paragraph)

Knowing that the Universe understands fully why this vow was made … and that it’s no longer appropriate … ask for permission and assistance to undo and remove the old vow … and to replace it with a new wholesome vow …

Now ask the mentor to sweep clean the old vow, to completely clear it from every cell of your body … Just let the mentor sweep, wash, hose, away every vestige of it … and you just watch and feel as it is cleared from every molecule of your being … from the spaces between the molecules ...

Now ask the mentor to help formulate a new, appropriate, positively phrased vow ... speak it out loud, and ask the mentor to install this new vow into every cell of your body … to flood every particle of your being with this empowering intention ...

So, in the knowledge that this new vow can only get stronger and more supportive over time … you can send blessings to the others at the campfire, thank them … and allow them to merge into the fire …

Only you, the younger you and your mentor remain … Now let the younger you hug and merge with the present you … letting the younger you grow up through time with this new vow already in place … sensing the changes in consciousness that take place ... the emotional and physical healing that takes place ... as the old integrates with the new … right up to the present time …

Now this is complete, you and your mentor can let the shuttle take you right back to the doorway you first came through … Then thank your mentor with all your heart for supporting this life-changing process … And just step back through the doorway ... Now just step back up the stairs … one … coming back to the present time … two … feeling refreshed … three … aware of your body … four … knowing that you’ll only be able to open your eyes when all parts of you are fully integrated in the knowledge that this healing, this release, this freedom can only grow and integrate, perfectly, naturally, of its own accord … And when all parts are agreed you may step up onto step five … and you can open you eyes when you are ready …

Congratulations! Great work.

Vow Change Process © Brandon Bays, 2001-2010

Freedom from Depression

The Emotional Blanket - The Real Problem:

Current statistics show that women are much more likely to be medically diagnosed with depression than are men. Shockingly, and counter-intuitively, the figures also show that young men are up to four times more likely to kill themselves because of depression than are women. The suicide risk is highest for males between the ages of 18 and 27 (though reported teenage suicide has recently increased), and the rates in some countries have tripled in the last 30 years.

What does this tell us about the pressures faced by modern men, and more importantly what can they do about it? Actually, plenty on both counts – though the real answers may be as surprising as the statistics themselves.

Clinical depression comes in several guises, and with varying degrees of severity. On the low end of the scale we might feel general lethargy, mild anxiety, listlessness, lack of fulfilment or low self-esteem. The middle ground is laden with feelings of victimhood, worry, feeling stressed or angry, mired and stuck, regularly tired, or fuggy and numb, and is often associated with either increased appetite or loss of appetite.  If you recognise any of these symptoms, maybe the advice here can help. The most extreme depression can come with feelings of complete and lasting overwhelm, physical collapse, desperation, alienation, hopelessness, physical pain, and suicidal thoughts and plans. If you recognise these latter symptoms you need to seek qualified medical attention and get help right away.

Traditionally, the causes of depression are reckoned to be difficult life circumstances: ones that seem pervasive and lasting, ones that feel difficult or impossible to handle. High on most lists are bullying and school examination pressures for teenagers, sexual problems, relationship problems and separation or divorce, job loss or unemployment, financial difficulties and debt, homelessness, and the death of a spouse or close loved one. We all recognise the patterns from the tragic newspaper reports that have become all too common: man faced with severe life difficulties is driven to the end of his coping abilities and, in desperation, kills himself (and increasingly, it seems, others). But, harsh though our life traumas may be, they are simply catalysts, triggers, of depression, and not the real cause. The root causes lie deeper.

The Real Causes:

In recent decades the value of many old-model social and family roles of masculinity has been challenged and undermined. Qualities appreciated in men 30, 50 or more years ago are today often derided, and modern men can no longer rely on the identity-bolstering effect of ‘macho’ role playing – the bread-winner, achiever, protector, authority, head of the household stuff. This has left men lost, confused and disoriented. The result, in my experience and in the experience of the many men I have worked with over the years, is that we’ve become emotional liars, unable to admit the truth about our feelings of general impotence, deluding ourselves about our real emotional responses to life, wheel-spinning frantically in an effort to find an identity, and to suppress, deny or alter what we really feel.

And no, I’m not banging on about men needing to 'get in touch with their feminine side’ here, this is something different. 21^st century men simply doesn’t know what or how they really feel.

Instead, we have become obsessed with images of how we think we should be. From the movie picture ideals of confidence, fame and wealth, to the dynamic and sexualised ads for exotic European cars and romantic vacations in unspoilt paradises, to the clothes and equipment with the right labels, and the macho and aggressive sporting behaviour that defines ‘real winners’ – even to the current craving for celebrity status by the mundane and untalented who appear on ‘reality’ TV shows – we think we know how the ideal man should be, how he should feel, how he should be celebrated and prized, but we haven’t a clue what to do when real life intervenes. We’ve become so invested in commercially-driven idealized images of living, that we’ve trapped ourselves in a trance of pseudo-emotional life, pretending that we’re on top, in control, winning, ‘cool’ and confident, pretending to believe in our own false façades, when in fact we’re often flailing uncertainly, unsure of ourselves, anxious, fearful and desperate. To compensate, and to maintain our image of having it all together, we’ve become disassociated from our own real feelings. In fact we’ve pretty much entirely forgotten about them.

Sure, we can act out anger at home in front of the TV, at the local bar or at the opposing team at the ball game. We can cathart by spilling it over weak targets such as smaller guys, girlfriends, wives or children. We can joke after the event about fear, and how much we were (past tense always here) “bricking it” when we went for a big job interview, met the bank manager to ask for an extended overdraft, went on our first date with an attractive partner, etc., we can hype ourselves up into states of bravado and fake optimism, and we can bullshit our way through the more tender stuff with women, particularly in an effort to get more sex, but often that’s about it – it’s close to our full range of emotional expression. We never stop to really feel the anger or the terror. We don’t fully open or let go emotionally in intimate moments, and we act out our egoic stuff instead of allowing ourselves to feel vulnerable or weak or a failure. We posture and pretend we’re in control of our circumstances, and we seek to ‘fix’ life’s problems in order to avoid feeling the real emotions those challenges evoke. We fool around and joke in a blokey way about deeper issues, we obliviate the negative stuff with alcohol or recreational drugs, or we grit our teeth, and stoically ‘take it like a man,’ using internal dialogue or intellectual analysis to modify our emotional responses, to turn things down to a manageable, not-so-bad, level. Often we tune out our real emotions to such an extent that eventually we relate only to what we are thinking, or what we are doing, and we can’t even accurately identify what we are feeling.

These behavioural habits are some of the real causes of depression. To feel emotions is a quintessential part of the human experience, but we’ve lost the ability to respond to life in an emotionally truthful way. We’ve become so scared of our own feelings, and so caught up in the game of emotional suppression, modification, avoidance and denial that, when life turns ugly on us, the body’s natural, healthy, emotional response is not available. Instead, when faced with loss, disappointment, fear, grief, we do what we have become used to doing – we turn up the intensity of our game-playing, telling ourselves more stories about how we are feeling instead of feeling it, further shoving down, manipulating or running away from our bodies’ natural emotional reactions. Eventually, our habits become so confusing and counter-productive that it seems like the only option is to tune out, to blanket over and cover all strong emotional responses – and that is a game of depression.

And it’s a game of diminishing returns. The more we tune out and dampen feelings down, the more our bodies shut down and become lethargic. The more our bodies shut down, the more our bliss chemicals, endorphins, get out of whack, causing us to feel depressed – and that causes our bodies to shut down more. It’s a vicious, downward spiral into a place where emotional sensations are numbed, and body and being feel bogged down, hopeless and pained.

Finding Freedom:

Over time, our emotions have got a bad rep, and we’ve come to fear the so-called negative ones like they are going to kills us. And here is the great irony, because those same emotions, even the worst of them, are our doorway to wellbeing, fulfilment and peace. I discovered this at the age of 17, only to discount and forget it for the next 20 years.

At 17 I was experiencing my first fully sexual relationship. My girlfriend was insecure and distressed. I was insecure, anxious and bullshitting. We both had difficulties in our home lives. Things were going badly and got worse when, some months into the relationship, she unsuccessfully attempted suicide.

One evening shortly afterwards, alone at home, I sat silently on the sofa and relaxed. I recognised a feeling of hopelessness that had been a recent emotional undercurrent, and I decided to open my body and feel it – just to experience what that would be like. So I allowed it all to come, to just flood through my body. It was overwhelming and pervasive, as hopelessness took over all consciousness. After a few minutes I seemed to fall deeper in, and the feeling changed to one of complete pointlessness – pointlessness so huge and poignant that the whole universe, all life, all existence, felt utterly pointless. I stayed still and allowed all of the feeling to come. Again, after some minutes, I seemed to sink deeper in. This time a huge awareness of blankness, of complete nothingness, arose. It seemed grey, devoid of all quality, vast, endless. I let all remaining resistance subside and almost immediately the feeling began to get lighter, like some effervescent energy was creeping in. It felt uplifting.

As I opened to feel it all, I was washed through with a sense of peace that was unlike any peace I had ever experienced. It was deeper, more complete, and carried a huge sense of wellbeing. Ultimately, in the heart of this peace I discovered bliss – a bliss that scintillated with energy and freshness, a bliss that included all existence and was at complete ease with all life. I sat in the bliss for around a half hour.

It was a massively profound and revealing experience, and I did what I guess many red-blooded males would have done under the circumstances: I snapped out of it, telling myself that I was being girly and getting off on my emotions.

What had been revealed was the direct experience of a truth known through the ages to some esoteric spiritual groups: that complete freedom, wholeness – the divine, or the soul – lie in the heart of any emotion, no matter how painful that emotion is. But I denied the realisation, and turned my back on it.

It took years of psyching myself up, trying to create a positive, goal-focussed attitude, and wrestling with and suppressing the negativities of life to rediscover what I had forgotten. I settled for the grey numbness peppered with cyclical hopelessness and collapse that was my experience of depression, alternating between fearfully driven activity and total collapse for some two decades. It was not until the age of 37 that I met mind-body healing pioneer of The Journey, Brandon Bays, and in one session healed completely from my depressive patterns. The main technique – you’ve guessed it – getting emotionally real, sitting still and awake, and opening to the full potency of the emotional experience while ‘dropping through the emotional layers’. Emotions, she taught, are the gateway to the soul.

This time the levels were different. I felt rage and fear, and a whole array of intense emotions, before falling into a state of wonder, oneness and connectedness with everything. The depression fell away instantly. It was as if, in being willing to meet the worst that could be felt, the blanket of suppression no longer had any reason to exist. Since that day I have remained 100% depression free.

So, if you experience depression, is the answer really this simple: you just sit down and fully feel your deepest emotions and all will be well? Let’s say it’s a huge step in the right direction. And there are a few things that are good to remember before you plunge right in.

First, most of us have conditioned responses that automatically alter what we are really feeling. We habitually run internal dialogues and pictures about our emotions, telling ourselves stories about how we feel rather than actually feeling it. So, it might take a while to get still and allow your mind-talk to wind down, so you can clearly feel what’s in your body. Be patient while your body gets used to the process.

Second, many of us have ingrained fears about feeling emotions. Fear of anger and rage are common, as is fear of fear itself. Others of us fear embarrassment, humiliation, incompetence, boredom, rejection, loneliness, vulnerability, chaos, powerlessness, and so on. The key here is to let yourself realise what an emotion really is: it’s just an electro-chemical change taking place in your body. It has no meaning other than the meaning you give to it. If you resist and wrestle with it you can make it last a long time, but if you soften your body and drop all resistance you can fully meet the emotion, and it will last only seconds or minutes – it naturally burns itself out, and you move on to the next experience. So, stop the story about emotions, and let your body know that all emotions are entirely safe to feel. Kids do it all the time, and if it’s safe for them, it’s safe for you.

Third, there is a profound and critical difference between fully feeling, surrendering to the full force of an emotion, and emotional catharsis. Blaming others for your emotional state, shouting or getting aggressive doesn’t work – as well as behaving abusively, you’ll at best get temporary relief. Even the pillow-beating and yelling techniques are ultimately just an avoidance of the deeper emotional drives. Acting out the emotion is essentially different from the inner experience of owning it and completely feeling it. So, if someone comes to mind during the feeling process, just allow it, feel what you’re feeling, and let go of the image. Your job here is to feel whatever comes up, no matter what. Even if it feels like your body will implode or explode, just welcome that, stay with it and see it through – it’s all part of the process.

With some practice – and with a willingness to face the sharp, temporary sting, or the fierce, temporary burn of your emotions – your body will no longer need the blanket of depression that it has previously used to keep things under wraps. As I was saying, this has nothing particularly to do with your ‘feminine’ side. This is not all touchy-feely or lovey-dovey. It’s intense, and it takes courage – real courage – the courage to feel. So, take it step by step and your body will gradually learn that it’s safe.

When it does, then it can begin co-operating more healthily with you, and you’ll begin to experience more floods of the lovely endorphins your brain produces to give you a natural (hangover-free) high. Start telling the deeper truth of how you feel to someone you can trust, or your partner – just for the practice of truth-telling and talking about how you feel. No need to labour the point or moan about things, just tell the simple truth. Then, instead of the old game playing, make the regular choice to stop and face your real emotions. You’ll find that more resourceful strategies for dealing with life’s challenges will come naturally to you – effortless answers will arise to deal with difficulties that previously seemed unbeatable – and the problems themselves will seem less weighty.

I’ve listed below some simple techniques that can really help with depression. Reading this article alone won’t make the shift in your life: doing the work will. You can do it alone, and it helps to get someone you trust to talk you through the process. Thousands of people around the world have found freedom by using these methods. So, make the decision, take the step-by-step actions – you’ve got nothing to lose but your old blanket!

How To Do It:

• Find some space and take some quiet time, at least 30 to 45 minutes. Have a pen and paper by your side for later. Turn off the phones and the TV. Just sit in silence for while, and invite your mind-talk to relax, wind down and fall into the background.
• Allow your body to relax and soften, while staying fully awake. With your eyes closed, bring all your awareness inside and imagine looking down into your body. Tune in to the sensations there, and notice how they make you feel.
• Admit the truth that underneath the surface there are some emotions that you’ve previously avoided. Welcome them to reveal themselves, to come out of the hidden places, or the stuck or secret areas.
• If words arise inside, listen to them then ask, “How does that really make me feel?”
• Let the feelings come fully and let them turn themselves up within your body, as you continue to relax and open.
• When the emotion has been fully experienced you could ask, “What’s in the core of this?” and just allow yourself to open wider into the experience.
• If any person comes to mind during the process, just notice who it is and let the image disappear. Keep feeling the emotion.
• At some point you may experience a nothingness, a void, or an emptiness that is devoid of emotion. Know that this is part of the process, and treat it like any other feeling. If you feel stuck at any time, soften the body, relax any contraction of mind and welcome all stuck-ness. Really experience it fully – this too is just another level of feeling.
• Eventually you will open into a positive sensation. Normally this will feel vast an expansive, as if it permeates everything. Open into the core of the positive feeling a couple of times until you are steeped in it. Then rest here for a while.
• If a person showed up on the way down through the levels, softly open your eyes, then pick up the pen and paper. Write to them from this place of openness. Empty your feelings about them onto the page – really get it all out, negative and positive. It helps if you speak the words out loud too. Just let it rip until there’s no more to say. Then, from this place of emptiness, forgive them for any hurt or damage they may have caused you in the past. If you can’t forgive them fully, empty out some more, then forgive them. This forgiveness is powerfully healing, and will set you free from the ‘hook’ of the emotion associated with that person.
• Staying in this expansive place, check if any inspiration wants to reveal itself from within. If so, just allow the words to write themselves onto the page. These may be antidotes to some worries, new life plans, or just general advice to yourself. Keep this advice on hand for future reference – it may contain some profound wisdom that will help shape your future life.
• Make a date with yourself to go through this exercise again. It gets easier and better with time and a little practice. If you want some additional help, check out www.thejourney.com for its seminars based on this work, and for a list of its highly skilled and dedicated Journey Accredited Practitioners.